Senioritis outbreak sweeps through Patterson

by Ms. Kirsch,


Public Health Advisory!

A serious, seasonal disease is sweeping Patterson High School, and staff and students should be on alert. The disease, known colloquially as “Senioritis,” attacks the central nervous system often causing those affected to act erratically and illogically.

Symptoms include listlessness, red eyes, angry outbursts, inability to take responsibility for ones own actions and putting off for tomorrow what could be done today.

While the disease effects Seniors at a much higher rate, it is so highly contagious that no one is completely safe. Juniors are particularly susceptible to contamination in the late Spring, as we bid Farewell to the Seniors and the Juniors rise to fill their shoes. In this instance, the disease is most serious, since Juniors’ last quarter grades can mean the difference between acceptance to their dream college or flat, cold rejection.

Indeed, even faculty and staff are not completely immune. Since Senioritis is not viral, it can be contracted multiple times. Therefor, teachers who suffered through Senioritis in their own school days can be reinfected through contact with current Seniors. Symptoms manifest slightly differently in adults, and affected teachers may be found to suffer from crashing headaches, inadvertent rolling of the eyes, and the overwhelming urge not to work harder than their students.

The best protection is long-term goal setting and focus on those goals. When students can keep their minds set on their future, it is easier to maintain a state of health during those last few months of school.

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